《爱心树》的爱与虐
Adam Grant & Allison Sweet Grant 文
mints 编译
孩子和父母需要明白无私和慷慨之间有很大的区别许多父母在孩子成长过程中都会买很多的绘本,谢尔·希尔弗斯坦的这本书是经典之作《爱心树》就是很多书单推荐的必读读物之一。我们特别愿意和孩子们一起阅读这个故事,这就像是重温我们童年时代的情景。但是,当我们再次读到它的时候,感觉有些不对劲。
《爱心树》讲述了一位男孩呵护树木的故事。在他长大的过程中,他经常去看望这棵树。他把她的苹果拿去卖,为自己谋利,把她的树枝摘下来盖房子,把她的树干砍下来,这样,他就可以造条船扬帆远航。最后,这棵树已经没有什么可给了,只剩下一个树桩了。我们记得,那不是温暖、模糊、温馨的故事。尽管写得既辛酸又漂亮,不过,还是有点压抑。
《爱心树》原文
《爱心树》原文
The Giving Tree
Once there was a giving tree
Who loved a little boy
And everyday the boy would come to play
Swinging from her branches
Sleeping in her shades
Laughing all the summer hours away
And so they loved, and oh the tree was happy
Oh, the tree was glad
But soon the boy grew older
And one day he came and said
Can you give me some money, tree
To buy some things I've found
I have no money, said the tree
Just apples, twigs and leaves
But you can take my apples, boy
And sell them in the town
And so he did, and oh the tree was happy
Oh, the tree was glad
Soon again the boy came back
And he said to the tree, I'm now a man
And I must have a house that's all my own
I can't give you a house, said the tree
The forest is my house
But you may cut my branches off
And build yourself a home
And so he did, and oh the tree was happy
Oh, the tree was glad
And time went by and the boy came back
With sadness in his eyes
My life has turned so cold, he said
And I need sunny days
I'm nothing but my trunk, she said
But you may cut it down
And build yourself a boat and sail away
And so he did, and oh the tree was happy
Oh, the tree was glad
And after years, the boy came back
From both ends of the world
I really cannot help you
If you ask another gift
I'm nothing but an old stump now
I'm sorry, boy, she said
I'm sorry, but I've nothing more to give
I don't need very much now
Just a quiet place to rest
The boy, he whispered with a weary smile
Well, said the tree, an old stump is still as good for that
Come, boy, she said, sit down
Sit down and rest a while
And so he did, and oh the tree was happy
Oh, the tree was glad
儿童读物讲述了慷慨的故事?“爱心树”通常是他们能说出名字的第一本,而且往往是唯一的一本。但问题是:这不是真正的慷慨。这是一本关于自我牺牲的书,这两件事完全不是一回事。
如果你向父母询问,那些对一些读者来说,这棵树的牺牲行为似乎是高尚的,就像父母给孩子的无条件的爱。但是,如果你认为故事讲述的是慷慨,那么就很容易学到错误的教训,即,孩子自私是没问题的,成年人应该付出直到受伤——并且继续付出,直到他们真的没有东西可以奉献。这只会招来麻烦。
焦虑和沮丧。一味如此也不会那么有效:当老师为了帮助个别学生而放弃晚上和周末时间,他们的班级在标准化考试中的表现就要差得多。同样,无私的学生也会发现在帮助同学学习期间,自己的成绩会变得不稳定,甚至成绩大幅下降。自我牺牲也是职业倦怠和生产力下降的风险因素。例如,无私可以预测护士的情绪衰竭,工程师工作效率低下,以及心理咨询师的身体和家庭问题。
自我牺牲是不可持续的,也是不健康的。研究表明,关心他人而忽视自己,会让人更容易变得慷慨不是为了别人而牺牲自己,而是在不伤害自己的情况下帮助别人。这并不是授人以鱼,而是授人以渔。慷慨也并不是在他人需要你的时候,你得放弃一切,而是在考虑他的需求的时候,得优先考虑你的需求。
一项对加拿大最高付出奖章获得者的调查显示,他们不仅关心他人的程度高于同龄人。而且他们关心自己的分数也更高。弔诡的是,减少无私奉献实际上会让你付出更多:这样别人就不会耗尽你的精力,你也因此可以维持你的动力。
我们不知道是什么促使谢尔·希尔弗斯坦写下了《爱心树》。