回避型依恋儿童的养育者的核心敏感性
作者: 《依恋创伤与修复》 / 1004次阅读 时间: 2021年10月17日
标签: 回避型依恋
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Caregiver Core Sensitivities with a Child Who Has an Avoidant Attachment

回避型依恋儿童的养育者的核心敏感性

The caregiver of an insecure avoidant child encourages independence at the cost of close physical and emotional contact. In the AAI these caregivers are considered “dismissing” of attachment needs on the bottom of the Circle, as stated earlier. They tend to be uncomfortable with direct emotional communication and appear uneasy with the expression of need. Over time, the child of such a parent learns to inhibit direct expression of wants or needs for the caregiver.

不安全回避型儿童的养育者以身体及情感的亲密交流为代价,鼓励孩子的独立性。如前所述,在AAI中,这些养育者被认为“无视”了圆环底部的依恋需要。他们往往不喜欢直接的情感交流,而且对于需要的表达会表现出不安。时间一长,这类家长的孩子就学会了抑制自己直接表达对养育者的渴望或需要。

Hence it is not surprising that typically in the Strange Situation such a child shows little distress when the parent is absent, tends to turn away from the parent upon reunion, and has a relationship strategy intended to not rock the emotional boat. As attachment theorists explain, such a child expects his  attachment needs to be dismissed. To avoid the pain of rejection associated with cuing needs on the bottom of the Circle, this child begins to build a pattern of creating distance and prioritizing exploration and/or achievement, which, not coincidentally, is what the child’s parent emphasizes. Parents who emphasize achievement and exploration are often esteem sensitive and are usually comfortable on the top half while being dismissing of bottom-half opportunities.


因此,下面这些就不足为奇了:在陌生情境实验中,这样的孩子在家长不在时一般不会表现出什么痛苦,在团聚中会倾向于远离家长,他们关系策略的目的是不要晃动情感的小船。

就像依恋理论学家解释的那样,这样的孩子会预期到自己的依恋需要被无视。为了避免发出在圆环底部有需要而被拒绝的痛苦,这个孩子开始建立一种模式,创造距离并优先考虑探索及/或成就,而这并非巧合,正是家长所强调的东西。

强调成就和探索的家长常常是具有自尊敏感性的,通常在圆环顶部感到舒适而忽略圆环底部的机会。


Safety-sensitive parents are also dismissing of closeness and promote self-sufficiency in their child. They do this not because their self-esteem depends on achievement, but rather because they choose to have a certain emotional distance in the relationship as a way to protect the self from being engulfed or controlled. Because closeness to another person was not experienced as safe, a working model of relationship was established that systematically sacrificed intimacy to maintain distance. In its place, this person learned to prioritize self-sufficiency. As caregivers, even though they are genuinely interested in relationship, these adults tend to be very careful about showing it and remain vigilant concerning the intensity of the child’s need for direct connection. An underlying fear of being emotionally smothered and a sense of being imprisoned by the child’s needs remain salient themes in the caregiving relationship.

安全敏感的家长也会忽略亲密而促进孩子的自给自足。他们这样做不是因为他们的自尊取决于成就,而是因为他们选择在关系中保持一定的情感距离,以此作为保护自体不被吞没或控制的一种方式。

因为与他人亲密的体验是不安全的,所以一种为了保持距离而有系统地牺牲亲密关系的工作模型便建立了起来。

相应地,这个人便学会了优先考虑自给自足。作为养育者,尽管他们对关系真的很感兴趣,但是这些成人往往在表现这种兴趣时非常谨慎,并且在涉及孩子对直接联结的需要强度时保持警觉。对情感上被窒息的潜在恐惧以及被孩子的需要所监禁的感觉,这两者仍然是养育关系中的突出主题。

Sometimes we see a separation-sensitive parent foster an avoidant attachment with her child. In this case the parent promotes clinging behavior on the top of the Circle—for example, micromanaging the child’s exploration—not to boost the child’s achievement but so the child won’t go too far away. This parent is not trying to support the child’s exploration but is focused on the top of the Circle for the purpose of closeness. This parent also rejects or avoids the child’s needs on the bottom of the Circle because they trigger painful memories and feelings. The autonomous selfregulation required to manage and ultimately put aside her own feelings so she can soothe her child is filled with shark music, so this mother distracts her child with toys. The separation-sensitive parent’s need to be needed can be intrusive enough that the child learns to be avoidant to cope. This behavior can be particularly difficult for the separation-sensitive parent as it creates a relationship in which the parent feels abandoned, now having created her own worst nightmare.

有时候我们会看到一位分离敏感的家长与她的孩子建立了回避型依恋关系。在这种情况下,家长会在圆环顶部促进孩子做出黏人的行为——比如微观上管理孩子的探索——而不是促进孩子的成就感,这样孩子才不会走得太远。

这位家长并非尝试支持孩子的探索,而是为了亲密的目的才专注于圆环顶部。这样的家长也会拒绝或回避孩子在圆环底部的需要,因为这些需要会引发痛苦的回忆和感受。管理自己的感受并最终将其放在一边,因而能够安抚孩子,做到这些所需要的自主性的自我调节充满了大白鲨之音,所以这位妈妈用玩具去转移孩子的注意力。分离敏感的家长被需要的需要可能是非常具有侵入性的,以至于孩子必须学着成为回避型才能应对这种需要。

对于分离敏感的家长来说,这种行为可能特别困难,因为它创造了一种家长感到被抛弃的关系,现在创造了她自己最糟糕的噩梦。

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TAG: 回避型依恋
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