作者: Sian Prior/卫报 / 1709次阅读 时间: 2017年10月09日
来源: 陈明 翻译 标签: 害羞 焦虑 社交恐惧

That sweating, trembling feeling: 10 strategies to cope with your shyness

0G p4j|4[yB p'^4H0心理学空间9G*\8a{YF&QD

0z/m Q;rE+O1`V0
Sian Prior/卫报
陈明 翻译

,f,sG2M1Y t;U/cm0


Social anxiety can manifest itself mentally and physically. Here are ways you can learn to manage it心理学空间peW G'O3W

3_;y B7PTj0社交焦虑可以在精神和身体上表现出来。您可以学习以下的方法管理你的社交焦虑


A woman looks through a gap in the curtains.Shy people often feel anxious about social encounters. Photograph: Alamy心理学空间8c/p#kky J8~


VG)wit N3CR0

According to British singer-songwriter Morrissey, “shyness is nice”. When it leaves you feeling breathless, voiceless and even friendless, though, it can be anything but nice.


M#IIY:]i7v0英国歌手莫里西(Morrissey)说,“害羞是美好的”。然而,害会让你感到喘不过气来,默不出声,甚至没朋友,害羞绝对不美好。心理学空间!cD)x!Mx m

Shyness often manifests as social anxiety, and as Morrissey sings in his song Ask Me, it can stop you from doing the things you want to do in your life.心理学空间^x6B-_'|Qq(t2?8t

bV*B@DN/z0害羞常常表现为社交焦虑,正如莫里西在他的那首“Ask Me”中唱的那样,害羞能阻止你做你想做的事情。

4nK F{ h4p0


After spending more than four decades wrangling with my own shyness, I wrote a book called Shy: A Memoir in which I investigated the causes and symptoms of this inherited personality trait.

'F6|l3h4Zi1gq0心理学空间)T {v{ o(y



I discovered that shy people often felt anxious about social encounters because they feared other people’s judgment – specifically, their negative evaluation. We torment ourselves with self-critical thoughts such as “I look out of place”, “I sound stupid” and “I’m making a fool of myself”.



)OI F"W'j{2[*~0

Our fear can manifest as a bunch of distressing physical symptoms, including sweating, trembling, hyperventilating and blushing. Shy folk feel self-conscious in the company of people they don’t know well and will cross the street to avoid having to speak to acquaintances. In the long term, social anxiety can also mess with the digestive system. All that churning sometimes causes Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).心理学空间RWuJ)Y1`

R_ eb'Ov^0我们的恐惧可以表现为一堆痛苦的身体症状,包括出汗,颤抖,呼吸急促,脸红。害羞的人在不熟悉的人的陪伴下会感到不自在,过马路时,他们会避免与熟人交谈。从长远来看,社交焦虑也会影响消化系统。所有这些搅动有时会引起肠易激综合征(IBS)。


The good news is that shy people are often those with the most empathy. We spend a lot of time considering what other people are thinking. Many shy people go into the caring professions, like nursing, teaching and counselling.


好消息是,害羞的人往往是最有同情心的人。像我这样害羞的人,会花很多时间考虑别人的想法。许多害羞的人进入了爱心职业,例如护理、教学和咨询。心理学空间U[z)bf9{R d-dG

So how can we best deal with the downsides of shyness and take advantage of the upsides?

2nI8O)]1p}.Y T7Z0



We used to think shyness was refined. That was before social media
Fq'| B;cJ"lj0——Ian Jack心理学空间 V9R2i5A8y2[i


N5G ^ Z*yr0


xu q#t'C~;[D!Z0

Based on the research I did for my book, I’ve come up with a list of 10 practical strategies for coping with shyness:心理学空间TqT kZi


N*k HsZ0

1) Use self-talk to reduce your discomfort. Remind yourself that 50% of the people around you are probably also feeling shy. You are not alone in dealing with these feelings. Try to separate your mind from your body’s symptoms, eg tell yourself “oh, there go those butterflies in my stomach again, they’ll disappear soon”.


@ Vy+nj]K2v9|s01)用自言自语来减轻你的不适。提醒自己,周围50%的人也可能感到害羞。其他人也同样在处理他们的害羞,你并不孤单。尝试着将你思想与身体的症状分开,比如告诉自己:“哦,肚子里的那些心慌意乱很快就会消失的。”。心理学空间 ssI"OA^ ]YcS}

2) Plan ahead. Prepare for social events that you feel nervous about. Spend some time trying to remember the names of the people who might be there. Perhaps find “safe” friends who are also going to the event. Use self-talk to remind yourself that you won’t be able to control all aspects of this social interaction. Be prepared to deal with a level of uncertainty.


2)提前计划。为那些你感到紧张的社交活动体验做准备。尝试着花一些时间记住可能出现在那里的人的名字。也许能这些人之中找到“安全”的朋友。和自我交谈来提醒自己,你无法控制社交互动的说有方面。准备好应对一定程度的不确定性。心理学空间g,O)\ |g.M*U&B

3) Help others at social events. Try to spot some other shy people and help them out by approaching them. This takes the focus off your own discomfort and gives you a focus to help you take the attention off yourself. Assume the burden of initiating the conversation by asking others questions about themselves.



p&R D6@#YQ.a0

4) Try exposure therapy. Give yourself regular small challenges in dealing with your shyness, to give yourself confidence (but keep them small to begin with because if you have bad experiences they might reinforce your fears). Then reward yourself for being brave in the face of your anxiety.心理学空间 i {9nX.Q

心理学空间L[t*xd|SC h



5) Organise or join social activities in ways that suit you. It can help to arrange or go along to events that are regular or semi-regular (eg book clubs, clothes swaps, meet-ups, classes, tree-planting) where you know who’ll be there, and there is an activity as the main focus of the event. This gives you something to talk about that you all have in common, as opposed to free-form socialising.

UvN-g.p9w!V_ iL0心理学空间0W#H{trd

5)以适合您的方式组织或参加社会活动。它可以帮助你安排或参加定期或半正规的活动(例如读书俱乐部、服装交换活动、聚会、课程、植树),这些你知道谁会参加的活动,同时这些活动有一个主要焦点事宜。这样就会给予你谈论大家都从事之事的机会,而不是那些自由的社交活动。心理学空间 E(Pn(y s

6) Confide your shyness to others rather than hide it. This can have a cathartic effect and reduce your sense of aloneness and/or shame.



7) Adopt a “persona”. In your professional capacity or your parenting capacity, for example, you can tell yourself that you are not being judged, because you represent something bigger and more important than you (your place of employment, your useful work role, or your role as a carer).心理学空间1Q!qI:WU }$m(j;e



8) Keep a diary of your journey to manage your shyness/social anxiety. Note your progress and your challenges. Reflect on what you are going through.



9) Use social media to reach out, but be wary of the downsides. Monitor its effect on you and take breaks when you need to. Assess the positives and negatives (eg FOMO).心理学空间Lt-neO;H(N1[3g

+F;K$B+L` B|q09)利用社会媒体来实现目标,但要警惕自己走下坡路。监控对你的影响,并且在你需要的时候休息一下。评估积极的和消极的方面(例如,错失恐惧症FOMO)。


10) Try other anxiety management strategies. Consider meditation, yoga, physical exercise, deep breathing and other forms of relaxation therapy. You can also seek professional counselling. Psychologists are trained to help people with social anxiety and can offer cognitive behaviour therapy and reassurance.  You could also consider joining an anxiety support group.

R'W` af0心理学空间FdxtC.}!{"\ }~


TAG: 害羞 焦虑 社交恐惧
«延迟满足,如今的孩子比上一代做得更好 科普
延伸阅读· · · · · ·